Space rockets don't explode if they are owned by Space X, they experience a sudden unexpected disassembly. Love it.
.........
Vacuous politicians again. What is the difference between a pause and a temporary ceasefire? My namesake and leader of the Libberdemocrats thinks that there is one, and tried to explain it on the Today Programme.
Colin's pedantic lawyer brain believes it can distinguish between pause and ceasefire. In both hostilities stop. With a pause, there is an implication that military action will start after whatever is contemplated to happen during the pause; with a ceasefire there is an implication that hostilities will not recommence unless there is a good reason, or alternatively put that there will be blame/shame on the body that arbitrarily restarts - thus 'breaking' the ceasefire.
Pause and temporary ceasefire. Same thing.
Not that this would bother Sir Ed, whose only concern was to distinguish his party politically from Labour and the Conservatives.
.........
Radio and TV presenters have to be very careful about slips in pronunciation. Remember James Naughtie and Jeremy .......Hunt
So spare a thought for the cricket commentators at the World Cup. Amongst players there is Fakhar Zaman; amongst commentators there is Prakash Wakankar. Using the fast bowler analogy, a run-up might be needed.
.........
The Xmas pressie of Xmas pressies for the health neurotic: A weekend newspaper article showcases twelve programmes/devices for testing your longevity chances and general health. I like the VO2 Max test on cardiovascular health, as I come out well on this; I like less the Y balance test, as I am not great at standing on one leg (although I can do victimhood and blame my one-sided hearing for balance issues). Though I am not sure whether one is supposed to choose the tests that show the best results...........
.........
It's Blackpool week on Strictly. For some, Blackpool has little that can be commended. Nevertheless, the Strictly team injects a large dose of glitz and glamour into the 'iconic' Ballroom. PS On the broader subject of s---h--es, see James Cleverly below.
.........
Random Acts of Kindness
1. I approach a bus stop mid-evening. Ahead an elderly couple are approaching the shelter. Despite the support of a stick, he is crouched forward and looks as though he will not make it before toppling. A group of a thirty-something average folk moves forward to support him. One of them takes position to hail the bus so that the couple can get on first. Bus arrives. At that moment I spot the man radiating a smile and saying thank you in a quiet voice.
2. I am on a bus. At a a stop an old and dishevelled frummer gets on. His Homburg is grubby, and his gabardine coat has a large hole in the back. In one hand he has a stick for support, and in the other, bizarrely, a half-eaten smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. He looks at the bus driver. The driver waves him through without asking to see a pass. Various people offer a seat - the bus is crowded. The man declines. Only when he finishes his bagel does he sit down. When he disembarks the passengers clear a path for him. As he gets off he says thank you. Through all of this I had my antisemitism antennae on high alert. I heard and sensed nothing but kindness.
.........
Out of a job? Bored? Needing a role? No probs. You can be the new Foreign Secretary. It comes with free overseas travel and a seat in the Lords - never mind the policy, feel the robes.
.........
Credibility. James Cleverly claims that in the Commons he said 'shit' and not 'shithole'. The subject of debate was Stockton-on-Tees, and what someone said in response to a question on it by the (Labour) MP for Stockton North on why there are high rates of poverty in his constituency. The answer appears to have started with "Because'. So:
1. The version that appears recognised as what Cleverly said: "Because it's a shithole'
2. The Cleverly version: 'Because [he's] a shit'. Square brackets because you have to change it for grammatical accuracy, unless the reference was in gender neutral terms.
Which one are you inclined to believe? Is it credible that Cleverly was attributing constituency poverty to the personality of the Stockton North MP (and I hear that Stockton South is Conservative).
Not so Clever I think, from the new-broom steady and respectable Home Secretary.
.........
At certain times I have been Madonna'd out and Templed out. Is it possible to be Podcasted out?
.........
Probably like you my inbox was bombed on Friday 24th with Black Friday deals. But are we allowed to say 'Black Friday'? Hmmm.
.........
And a well-prepared quip by BBC business presenter Felicity Hannah, anticipating that an interview with the Curry's CEO on shoppers' Black Friday habits would turn into a sales spiel by him. As he waxed lyrical on the latest generation of air fryers, she observed that he had more plugs than you could find in his stores. Like it.
.........
I had thought that Robert Jenrick's role as Immigration Minister was to be a smooth safe pair of hands supporting his loose cannon Home Secretary boss. Now she has gone he seems to have morphed into a rounder-edged version of her. Alternatively, this is merely another symptom of Conservative politicians manoeuvring to be in the right camp after the next General Election.
.........
HSBC suffered a systems failure, preventing customers from accessing their accounts online or via the app. I have a screenshot of the Bank's message that afternoon for someone trying to get into the app. Its says:
.........
'Mobile banking currently unavailable.
We're performing a system upgrade to bring you a better banking experience. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.'
Naughty.
.........
Expletives cannot be used on the early evening news. For the later news after the 9pm 'watershed', there is greater latitude, though with trigger warnings. After 10pm it's anyone's game, and Nick Watt on Newsnight read out a quote from the guess what Inquiry that used the word 'fuck'. I felt very grown-up beng allowed to see that.
.........
The Edinburgh Zoo pandas are apparently being returned soon to China. Crowds pay good money to see them eating their breakfast. If I were paid enough I would be willing to let commercial visitors watch me eating my porridge, toast and coffee.
.........
This month I have done a couple of more serious pieces,'Israel/Hamas: the lawyers weigh in', and 'Corporate Values and Israel/Gaza', but I should finish with something more traditional for this blog:
Random Acts of Kindness - it doesn't always work out perfectly
On a Victoria Line tube, en route to Kentish Town. A woman gets on at Oxford Circus. She has been travelling, and her luggage is two sack-type bags and a small case. A couple of people helped her on. At Euston she plans to get off. Me too, to change trains. She catches my eye, and looks pleadingly for help. No choice, and no one else offers.
We haul her bags off the tube. I realise that is impossible to carry either bag more than a few metres. She wants to get up to the mainline station so, one each and her with the case (I think she gave me the heavier bag) we drag the bags along the platform, up one escalator, round and up another escalator, until we reach the Undergound concourse.
The woman's English is not good. I have decided that this is as far as I am going, so I approach a TFL official...
...who tells me that under TFL's Conditions of Carriage a passenger should not travel without being able to transport their luggage unaided.
In the words of the great Ricky Tomlinson, 'Conditions of Carriage, my arse!'
I give up on this doughnut and find a couple of younger TFL chaps. They get it, and weigh in to help.
I resume my journey. She did not exactly say thank you, but I sort of thought she appreciated the help.
.........
The author is a writer, speaker, historian, occasional tour guide, and former Managing Partner of a City law firm.